


And I Know No One Will Save Me (I'm Just Asking For A Kiss)

by Lepid0pteran



Series: KoMitski series [1]
Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, Super Dangan Ronpa 2
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Author projecting onto Komaeda Nagito, Dubious Despair, Hurt/Comfort, I genuinely have no fucking idea if this is a non-despair au or not so im just saying its dubious, Implied/Referenced Eating Disorders, Nonbinary Komaeda Nagito, OOC Komaeda Nagito, Other, Possibly ooc but who gives a shit, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, Suicide Notes, vent fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-24
Updated: 2020-10-24
Packaged: 2021-03-08 22:02:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 782
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27173528
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lepid0pteran/pseuds/Lepid0pteran
Summary: HEAVY TRIGGER WARNING FOR SUICIDE ATTEMPTS, SELF HARM, AND MENTIONS OF EATING DISORDERS. PLEASE DO NOT PROCEED IF THESE TOPICS WILL TRIGGER YOU.The number for the suicide hotline is 800-273-8255 if you are in a position similar to the protagonist of this work.Also they/them Nagito Komaeda rights.
Relationships: Hinata Hajime/Komaeda Nagito
Series: KoMitski series [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2031127
Comments: 6
Kudos: 58





	And I Know No One Will Save Me (I'm Just Asking For A Kiss)

**Author's Note:**

> HEAVY TRIGGER WARNING FOR SUICIDE ATTEMPTS, SELF HARM, AND MENTIONS OF EATING DISORDERS. PLEASE DO NOT PROCEED IF THESE TOPICS WILL TRIGGER YOU.
> 
> The number for the suicide hotline is 800-273-8255 if you are in a position similar to the protagonist of this work.
> 
> Also they/them Nagito Komaeda rights.

Nagito Komaeda doesn't remember a time before they were like this. 

They think about it, watching the sun set for the last time. Mosquitos are eating at their legs, but that doesn't matter. They'll be totally consumed soon. Finally, the first good thing they've ever truly done. The first purely selfless action in their life would be the action of ending it.

They think the irony is almost humorous.

They try to remember a time where they were genuinely happy. Nothing. 

Nothing but a tanned, freckle-spattered face. The smell of citrus and pine emanating from him. The warmth they felt when they looked at him. They almost felt guilty for leaving him. But they knew he'd be better off without them.

They couldn't tell if the pain in their stomach was from hunger or emotional emptiness.

The thought of Hinata almost made Nagito break down more. He cared about them. God, why did he care about them. He sent them little texts asking if they had eaten and taken their meds yet. He had held them the night he caught them sobbing over a plate of half-eaten food. He told them they were beautiful. He cared about them.

Nagito hated that about him.

Cute reminders just made the ache in their gut grow. It reminded them of how fucking disgusting and appalling they were, tricking someone into liking them. They never deserved this. 

Nagito Komaeda fished a piece of note paper out of their pocket, unfolding it to find a metal box cutter. They sighed, smiling up at the beauty of their final minutes. It was finally over. They placed the note paper on a nearby branch. 

They dragged the blade lightly over their throat. They'd stopped crying hours ago, so why were they still shaking? Why did the blade shake in their hand? This is good. They're finally ending it. Why was their pulse quickening?

They chalked it up to natural adrenaline and dug the blade into their thigh with a slight wince. A practice cut that stood out from the thinner, healing red slashes that lined the area. The blood stained their pants. It would be deep enough if placed somewhere else.

With that thought, Nagito shakily inhaled and prepared the the blade. It was perfect. They drew the blade to the side, steeling themself. Right before they made the final slash, they thought of Hajime. Of a boy who smells like pine and citrus. Their final thought was of spattered freckles and ruffled auburn hair.

That is, until the blade was slapped from their hand.

"What the fuck are you doing, Nagito?", they fliched at the sound of Hajime's voice, desperation visible in his eyes.

"Ah, Hinata-kun! I can't exactly hide my intentions. I sincerely apologize for the state of my current appearance" they said, motioning to the clothing that seemed to engulf their malnourished frame and their reddened eyes.

"I don't care about how you look, Ko. I just can't lose you" Hajime said, tears starting to form in his eyes. He snatched the blade from the ground and the folded note from the tree.

His eyes scanned over the neat graphite handwriting and the smooth signature at the bottom as tears stared to stream down his face.

"Blame my luck for causing you to walk in at a time like this" Nagito said, obviously trying to brush this all off.

"Please, Ko. Please don't do this. I can't let you die on me. I would never forgive myself if I let you die without telling you", he said, his voice getting quieter near the end. 

"Please don't make yourself care about me. Please just let me fade away, Hinata-kun. I deserve it" 

"I'm not making myself care about you Nagito! I love you, and that's not a lie. I've loved you for years now!" 

Nagito sucked in a breath. 

"You- you love me? Why would you love someone like me?"

"Because you're smart and helpful and you blame your luck for all of these awful things out of your control, but you deserve better than that. You deserve to be happy and you deserve love" 

That final sentence broke them. Tears started streaming down their cheeks. Hajime pulled them close for a hug, tears forming two seperate puddles on two seperate shirts. 

When they broke the hug, Nagito bathed in Hajime's warmth, their faces inching closer until their lips touched softly. The kiss was sweet and beautiful and maybe this wasn't bad luck after all.

"You're staying with me tonight, you know that right?"

"Okay Hinata-kun" Nagito said, drawing a breath and standing up on trembling legs.

Nagito doesn't remember a time they've felt like this before.

**Author's Note:**

> So tomorrow marks a year since I attempted suicide and this is my idealized projection onto my own kins. Things have changed so much since then and I've gotten much better but the memory still hurts so it's Now Nagito's Problem And Not Mine. Anyways I hope you all enjoyed and feedback is appreciated.
> 
> Also the title of this story is from "Nobody" by Mitski.


End file.
